Sherlock – Series 4, Episode 3 – “The Final Problem” – Bad “Sherlock” Fan Fiction

sherlock-the-final-problem

    God, I hate what Moffat did to “Sherlock.” He pretty did to “Sherlock” what did with Amy and making her “The Impossible Girl” and a plot device that only existed for the Doctor and nothing more. This episode has more of that too and ruins what could have been a great character if she hadn’t been turned into really bad fan fiction. If they make another season of “Sherlock,” and Moffat and Gatiss are in charge, I probably won’t watch it…not after the finale like this. This was an episode that was so bad on so many levels and makes me worried for the next season of “Doctor Who,” as Moffat is still the showrunner on that show.

   “The Final Problem” was written by Stephen Moffat and Mark Gatiss (the creators of the show so you’d think they’d know better than to write crap like this) and directed by Benjamin Caron.

SPOILERS ahead

  Sherlock and Mycroft’s sister has escaped from an asylum and it is up to the brothers and Watson to stop her as she tries to kill them with a drone that is also a bomb and reveals to them that she now controls the asylum, putting them through tests so that she is entertained.

The Pros: Cinematography – The cinematography is always beautiful (though the slow motion jumping out of an explosion was stupid and took away from some of the nice cinematography). Still, it looked nice even though the writing was crap.

Soundtrack – Music has always been one of the solid parts of that show and there are some great violin pieces, but that is it. The music this entire season has been great but it doesn’t save this episode.

The Cons: Character Assassination – Did you think Mycroft, Sherlock and Watson were fleshed out characters…well prepare for them to become caricatures of themselves!

John Watson – Watson is there to be the soldier, he says this multiple times and reminds Sherlock to be the soldier…and that’s it. It’s like someone heard about who Watson was on this show and wrote the only thing we were told about in the first episode in the first series…

Mycroft Holmes – Mycroft is manipulative and cares…we see this Sherlock and Eurus…I guess? Nope the writers don’t know what to do with Mycroft. He is manipulative and has a good heart and isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. He is only descriptors and not a character.

Sherlock Holmes – Sherlock is the genius who cares who apparently now  will do anything to save anyone no matter how monstrous they are. Given there was no bases for this prior I’m not sure where it came from given he killed someone at the end of last season. He apparently really loves his sister even though she killed a bunch of people including his best friend. Sherlock ceases to be a character though too as all his past actions are erased so that he can have a relationship with his sister and grow even though both have become plot devices though more so Eurus since Holmes is still driving the story and gets the emotional payoff.

Eurus Holmes the Plot Device – Eurus is crazy in the same way Carrie from “Carrie” is and Jean Grey is in “X-Men 3.” She exists only as a plot device to explore Sherlock’s trauma. She is crazy for the sake of being crazy and no reason is given. She is crap writing and is like “The Impossible Girl” in relationship to the Doctor. She exists only for Sherlock’s and Mycroft’s emotional growth and nothing more.

Happily Ever After – The ending is corny and apparently Mary being dead is okay since it was all about Watson and Sherlock the entire time! God this script is a hack script.

     This was an episode that started out with so much promise…the ending of the lying detective at least set up Eurus as being a fully fledged human being, apparently that was too much to ask though and Gatiss and Moffat had to “Carrie” / “Jean Grey” her. Everything that happens in this episode is for Sherlock and it doesn’t even fit within his character. The episode is literally retconning memories so that everything is about Eurus and Sherlock’s relationship, a relationship that never existed before. I can’t recommend this episode and I honestly fear for Moffat’s last season of “Doctor Who.” If we get this level of writing than Capaldi’s Doctor is going to be ruined. Watch at your own risk but this is an episode of television that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone as you won’t get back that time and the writing is a whole list of what not to do.

Final Score: 3 / 10

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The X-Files – Season 10, Episode 6 – “My Struggle II” – “The X-Files” Sucks at Endings

My Struggle II

   I’m disappointed…but I shouldn’t be surprised. “The X-Files” has never been very good at endings. The show has always been overdependent on Cliffhangers and often times a lot of the myth arc doesn’t feel completely thought out. This ending was a glaring example of all of these things and from what I heard, was the same problem the films had too.

    “My Struggle II” was directed by Chris Carter who also wrote it along with Margaret Fearon and Anne Simon.

SPOILERS ahead

     The story involves the Cigarette Smoking Man’s endgame as the secrets behind the alien DNA and the World Conspiracy are revealed.

Okay: Scully – Scully feels like her character and is the one who saves the day in this episode as her alien DNA is being used to make a cure for everyone who is infected (most of the population) including Mulder who is dying. Her final scene is with UFO above her, Miller and the dying Mulder.

The Cons: The Writing – The dialogue feels stilted and doesn’t work and does all the cliches. From “The Cigarette Smoking Man,” wanting to be God over Earth and the whole stupid virus plot and infecting the populace. Nothing worked at all.

Agent Reyes – Agent No One Cares About returns and is working for “The Cigarette Smoking Man.” Her reasons for doing so felt contrived. She felt as useless as Miller and Einstein this episode.

The Cigarette Smoking Man – In the end he’s just a megalomaniac. Boring. If you are using aliens and supernatural or unknown things…you can at least come up with an interesting idea for world domination or have some subtlety.

Mulder – The guy is just reactive and he didn’t feel like a character at all, just the idea of Mulder. I hated his conversation with “The Cigarette Smoking Man.”

       I honestly can’t think of any pros for this episode. Everyone is reactive and the final plan was just so stupid. So “The Cigarette Smoking Man” just wanted to be God over a decimated population? Really? What a weak reason for the aliens exist and for their DNA to be what saves people.

1 / 10 Point for Scully.

The Neighbors – Season 1, Episode 1 – “Meet The Neighbors” – An Atrocity of Television

The Neighbors by Wiseau

      This is awful…and I’ve seen some pretty awful films but this makes Michael Bay and others look like gold by comparison. I have no idea what Tommy Wiseau was thinking once he made this series, or how he was able to get funding for it and the fact that Hulu endorsed it. “The Room” must have really put him on the map for this atrocity of television to be created. I’ll get into the details of just how bad this show is later on, but it’s all on Tommy Wiseau.

   “Meet the Neighbors” was directed, written and produced by Tommy Wiseau.

     The story is an introduction of all the crazy people living in an apartment place and all the drama and relationships that ensue in a day in the life. I’m not going to bother listing any okays or pros because there are none. Everything after this paragraph is one of the many problems with this show and episode.

Sound Editing – Every little pop is heard and sometimes characters are talking and it just goes silent. Did Wiseau look over this at all? This feels like it was just crapped out and whatever happened he’d just keep there no matter how awful it sounded. This applies to the weird techno that is entered in throughout the episode.

Editing – The editing is terrible, certain scenes go on way too long after they have ended. The cutaways are random and don’t always work, and the electronic 80’s beat in between gets grating really fast. It’s like fingers on a chalk board.

Cinematography – The cinematography is crap. This show looks like it was filmed with a home video and if it was a website it would be geocities. Everything is jumbled and cramped and sometimes the camera isn’t even on the person talking or doesn’t show a person fully. I kind of wonder if the folks who filmed it were drunk….though that might be way too generous.

Writing – There are some really awkwardly worded sentences that make no sense and the character dialogue is just bad. From a woman who screams and wants her chicken, to a guy borrowing 20 dollars and it’s supposed to be a joke I think, the characters he plays are all awkward and what chemistry he’s supposed to have with the tenants doesn’t exist at all, same with his bro in a sports jacket. It’s clearly just Wiseau playing dress up. The writing feels what would come out of a bad porn.

The Characters – All the women are bikinis and just exist to flirt with the guys, all the guys exist to cause conflict by either asking for money, making out with the women or fighting with one another and being racist. It’s just bad television and Wiseau’s characters just kind of exist (he plays two) and even though one is the owner of the apartment he has no motivation at all, just like the rest of the cast. The show almost feels improvised but by people who have never done improve before. It was as if random people were just grabbed off the street by Wiseau and maybe put into costumes and after told they should just fight and flirt with another and that they’d be in his, “Hit new American show.” There is no humor, characters have no depth and relationships are all base level of just wanting to sleep with each other or fight.

  Seriously who approved this crap? After I watched it my brain felt like it had melted a little. Everything about this show sucks and not in the “So bad it is good way.” How did Wiseau get Hulu to air this? Who backed this? Was it made from his money from “The Room.” It really is a confusing mess whose existence should not be. If you want a glimpse into the mind of Wiseau, I guess you should check it out…but do so at your own risk.

0 / 10

Star Trek: The Animated Series – Season 1, Episode 15 – “The Jihad” – Too Much Tell and not Show

Star Trek TAS S 1 E 16 The Jihad

     “The Jihad” had some interesting ideas, for example Spock and Kirk being on a secret mission with a bunch of other alien representatives to prevent a war is pretty cool. Sadly we get almost entirely tell and not show which makes it one of the worst episodes of the “Animated Series.”

    The episode was directed by Hal Sutherland and written by Stephen Kandel.

      The story involves Kirk and Spock being chosen by a powerful and ancient species to recover a Skorr artifact of religious significance in order to prevent a Jihad on the galaxy as the Skorr were once a war like species and it was only their religious awakening that now keeps them in check. Kirk and Spock must work with other aliens to retrieve the artifact and prevent the war.

The Pros: The Alien Team – The idea behind the alien team is really cool, with Kirk and Lara as the human representatives who flirt with each other a few times while the others are more extreme in emotion or balanced. Tchar is the leader who betrays them in the end as he wants the war and to re-establish “greatness” in his people again.

Spock and Kirk – Spock is logical and sound and is always a pleasure and these two have great chemistry again that shows why slash fic exists, especially as Kirk is way more interested in the mission and Spock than her even though she is down with hooking up over the course of the mission on the dangerous planet.

The Cons: The Writing – The script is really bad. Everything is explained and  because we are told everything it makes the very bad animation all the more apparent. If the writing had been okay this would be an okay episode, but because it is terrible it makes the episode terrible. Doesn’t matter how good your actors or ideas are if the script can’t carry the episode.

  This is an episode I would not recommend at all, at it is a shame since there was so much potential here. We should have spent more times with the different aliens and gotten to know the Skorr more, instead we had a very poor execution of “Man vs Nature” and an obvious betrayal that never really made sense.

Final Score: 2 / 10

Sleepy Hollow – Season 2, Episode 7 – “Deliverance” – A Lack of Creativity

Sleepy Hollow Deliverance

 

At one point in this episode Ichabod and Abbie have broken into the Hellfire Club to get a Mcguffin Ben Franklin created to stop War and Moloch’s latest plan. Ichabod is trying passwords and Abbie yells at him to use 666 (Since the Hellfire Club is an Apocalyptic organization). It works and Ichabod calls it a lack of creativity. That pretty much sums up this episode. Contrived, lacking creativity and shoe-horning in the Redemption theme when it should not apply to Abraham or Henry at this point. I’ll get into what I mean in the assessment, but this is my least favorite episode so far this season.

The episode was written by Sam Chalsen and Nelson Greaves and directed by Nick Copus.

The episode picks up where were left off with the poison spider  going inside of Katrina and impregnating her. War arrives with the Hellfire Club on orders of Moloch and Abarham the Headless Horseman fights him to protect her. She escapes and meets up with Abbie and Ichabod who rescue her from the hospital and the story unfolds from there as we learn she’s been impregnated with Moloch.

Here is the assessment of the episode:

The Pros: Henry Parish / Horseman of War – He always wins, even when he loses and they better not redeem this character. He chooses Moloch again and again. He impregnated his Mom with Moloch knowing she’d die, he set the Weeping Lady on her and he buried his father alive. This character doesn’t care about redemption, so let him be a villain. We see his power in action as when the pregnancy is stopped by the plot Mcguffin he gets red mist that might be Moloch’s essence. He also has a good moment tormenting Ichabod where he tells him chooses Moloch and care nothing for his parents.

Detective Irving – Small role but he asks to talk to Henry so that Ichabod can talk to him.

Ichabod in the Modern World – Ichabod in the modern world is great…from his anger at low voter turnout to “Wanting to Internet.” His modern antics and phrases make this episode enjoyable, as the character was hit with the stupid stick.

Abbie Mills – Abbie is the one character who gets it and I hope she kills Henry since Katrina and Ichabod are holding out for his redemption. They are so blinded by their love they ignore all the ways he has harmed them and others. Abbie is the only one who gets it because of how Moloch hurt her and Jenny…and Henry serves Moloch. Sadly she is a support character in this episode and Ichabod is the the one who does all the saving. We see her use the Police Force though to take out the Hellfire Club and helps Crane get an identity as as a Criminal Profiler as well as earning Reyes respect for taking out the Hellfire Club.

The Headless Horseman / Horseman of Death / Abraham – This guy is a great villain. He loves Katrina and he fights for her against Henry and the Hellfire Club before Henry finally defeats him with sunlight a few times. He isn’t loyal to Moloch as an end all be all, he cares much more about being with Katrina. This makes him compelling and I’d like to see him more an an enemy and complex antagonist.

The Cons: Moloch the Demon Baby – Really? His plan was to impregnate Katrina to get into the world? What a silly idea. Way to turn Katrina into a plot device (Though she’s been that quite a bit already). Also Ben Franklin defeats him using a device he created that Ichabod uses that recreates the Northern Lights. Yup, what a stupid contrived plot.

Ben Franklin Has All the Answers – This needs to stop. Franklin is all powerful at this point at giving our heroes out against Moloch’s and Henry’s plots. The fact that it was predicted that when he was brought up the baddies would be stopped shows how overused this plot device is now. Purgatory Key, Kindred and now this…Did not like.

No Jenny – Abbie was going to raise an army to fight the Hellfire club and didn’t bring her sister. She should have been around, at least as backup in case Henry pulled something.

Katrina and Ichabod – This episode was all about them, and worse for it. Katrina was in a permanent place of needing to be rescued, Ichabod was angry and jealous of Abraham and they both insist that Henry can be saved, where if he is this season it would kill the show for me. He has no desire to be saved and loves being inhuman. They need to face that given all the crap he’s pulled on them. Both of these two are destroying the plot in their need to redeem Henry and denial of who and what he is.

Final Score: 4 / 10. Looked good but plot issues brought it down a lot. Worst episode of “Sleepy Hollow” so far this season and maybe overall after I rewatch Season 1.

The Doctors’ First Adventures – Worst to Best

12-doctors_492px

We end the 12 Days of Doctors Series with rating the Doctors’ First Adventures, Worst to Best. This was a fun thing to do, though when “Doctor Who” was bad it was pretty obvious. I’ll post my original reviews under the summary as well as have some contrasting in the summary on why they are rated where they are. “Doctor Who” is one of my favorite shows and it is great looking back again and seeing how each actor approached the role. So without further ado, lets look back on the episodes from worst to best:

12th Place

Twin Dilemma

The 6th Doctor – “The Twin Dilemma”

This episode is pretty insulting on a lot of levels (The 6th Doctor’s physical abuse of his companion) and there is not really anything good to say about it beyond the fact that it sucks less later on. The villain is also one of the stupidist bad guys in “Doctor Who” and believe me, that is saying something. He doesn’t ever feel threatening and is a complete joke, also we have two Wonder Boy/Wesley Crusher type characters we’re supposed to sympathize with, and who can’t act. Yep…this episode is one of the worst of the worst in “Doctor Who.”

1 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/10/12-days-of-doctors-the-6th-doctor-season-21-episode-7-the-twin-dilemma-everyone-is-terrible-or-boring/

11th Place

doctor-who-96-tv-movie-cast

The 8th Doctor – “Doctor Who the Movie”

So, after the show was off the air, they tried to bring it back with a movie. “Doctor Who the Movie.” It is pretty bad, pretty much the only redeeming qualities of this film are Paul McGann as the 8th Doctor and Sylvester McCoy appearing before he gets killed as the 7th Doctor. The Master is the bad kind of hammy and none of the Doctor’s companions are worth mentioning in this, beyond the fact that they are terrible people. This is a tragedy too given that Paul McGann owns this role and really deserved a series as the Eighth Doctor.

5 / 10. Was a bad action movie elevated by Paul McGann and Sylvester McCoy.

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/14/12-days-of-doctors-the-8th-doctor-doctor-who-the-movie-paul-mcgann-should-have-got-a-series/

10th Place

An Unearthly Child 13

The 1st Doctor – “An Unearthly Child”

Things didn’t start out well for this series, they started out okay, but not great. The “Doctor Who” Pilot begins with two teachers talking their student Susan until they meet her strange Grandfather who kidnaps them because he doesn’t want to be revealed to Earth. He is great as the gruff Professor type but the teachers and Susan aren’t very good and the Doctor played by William Hartnell isn’t given enough to do. This should have been a longer episode.

6 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/the-1st-doctor-an-unearthly-child-season-1-episode-1-12-days-of-doctors/

9th Place

Robot 4

The 4th Doctor – “The Robot”

Tom Baker is a fantastic Doctor, and Sarah Jane Smith is a great companion…it is a shame the episode they appear in together for the first time doesn’t get to use their talents fully. The episode tries to be a morality play with The Robot of the title but the organization that wants to kill everyone is not fleshed out really well and in the process, the Robot they created isn’t either. There are a lot of good ideas here, they just aren’t fully realized. Seeing the Brigadier in action along with Harry is another plus though.

7.4 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/07/12-days-of-doctors-the-4th-doctor-the-robot-an-attempt-to-explore-the-formation-of-morality-through-a-robot-season-12-episode-1/

8th Place

christmas_invasion-1

The 10th Doctor – “The Christmas Invasion”

David Tennant was my first Doctor and the one who got me into my love of “Doctor Who” as a whole, both the new and the classic. His episode is good but it has a major problem. The companions are useless and the Doctor is a super hero who must save them and the world. I hate this…part of what makes “Doctor Who” so great is the fact that the Doctor needs his companions, if they aren’t used, it would be better if they never appeared in the episode at all. I still recommend this episode though, even with this big problem.

7.8 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/18/12-days-of-doctors-the-10th-doctor-series-2-episode-1-the-christmas-invasion-the-doctor-as-a-super-hero/

7th Place

Castrovalva

The 5th Doctor – “Castrovalva”

This is an episode where the biggest issues are too many companions (Mostly Adric) and the fact that the Doctor is out of it for most of it. The Master is great though with his two plots to try and destroy the Doctor, especially in how his creations are actually interesting compelling beings who are related to the world that is the title. Nyssa and Tegan are great companions too. Could do without Adric though, even though he isn’t as bad as he is in later episodes. Kids who can fly the TARDIS and know everything don’t lend themselves well to good stories…

8.5 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/08/12-days-of-doctors-the-5th-doctor-castrovalva-the-manipulations-of-the-master-season-19-episode-1/

6th Place

Dr Who: Spearhead From Space

The 3rd Doctor – “The Spearhead From Space”

This episode for me, had the same score has “Castrovalva.” What makes it better slightly and why it rated higher on this list is the lack of Adric and a slightly more coherent plot. In this episode we see the Doctor with UNIT face off against the Autons sent by the Nesetene Consciousness to take over the world. It is here we see him with the Brig and Liz having to invent things to stop the Nestene and to investigate to find out that the Nestene is behind all the issues in the first place. It is a lot of fun and well worth a watch. Jon Pertwee is amazing.

8.5 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/06/12-days-of-doctors-the-3rd-doctor-the-spearhead-from-space-the-beginning-of-an-exile-season-7-episode-1/

5th Place

doctor-rose1280

The 9th Doctor – “Rose”

Christopher Eccleston is fantastic and Rose is a great companion on her first outing. She works with the Doctor and we get to see a great Doctor and companion dynamic. This is also the first Post-Time War Doctor, and it shows. Eccleston does the PTSD Doctor so well that you can see how driven he is to save lives. He gives the Nestene Consciousness a chance and he has some great strategies for trying to stop the Auton invasion from the Nestene. Also Rose is a great character and very worthy of the companion role. She embraces the adventure, even with having a life and reasons to stay. I highly recommend this episode.

9 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/12-days-of-doctors-the-9th-doctor-series-1-episode-1-rose-the-consequences-of-the-time-war/

4th Place

time_and_the_rani

The 7th Doctor – “Time and the Rani”

This was an episode that nearly made the Top 3. There is only one factor that keeps it from being there, and that is the consequences the Rani forcing a regeneration into the 7th aren’t fully explored. It is a great episode, and one of my all time favorite “Doctor Who” episodes…both because of the Rani played by Kate O’Mara and Sylvester McCoy owning the role as the more wizard like Doctor (and the costume designs and alien civilizations are fantastic). Her plan is pretty cool and it takes a lot to defeat her in the episode. The thing that doesn’t really help it though is the fact that Mel isn’t all that memorable as companion. She is okay and has personality but isn’t as memorable as some of the ones before. Still a favorite that I very much recommend.

9.2 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/11/12-days-of-doctors-the-7th-doctor-season-24-episode-1-time-and-the-rani-the-rani-is-awesome/

3rd Place

Deep Breath

The 12th Doctor – “Deep Breath”

This is the episode I just saw today, and it is amazing. It makes the top 3 for a few reasons. The biggest being Clara is finally a human being and an interesting companion (we see her trials as a teacher and trials with the Doctor), the Paternoster Gang (Vastra, Strax and Jenny) are great and we get to see more of their dynamic and how they grow with Clara and the Doctor, the villain of The Half-Face Man and Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor. There is a lot to love, the only issue is how everyone keeps bringing up Clara and having a romantic partner. How many times does she have to say she wasn’t and isn’t interested? Can’t that be respected and why was that written in? Besides that, great story and one of the Top 3 First Adventures of the Doctors.

9.3 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/24/12-days-of-doctors-the-12th-doctor-series-8-episode-1-deep-breath-finding-the-doctor/

2nd Place

Power_of_the_Daleks

The 2nd Doctor – “The Power of the Daleks”

This is one of my favorite episodes for a reason, and it’s one that you can only watch via audio, pictures and what little film remains…it is worth it though. In the link I post you can see some of the recreations that fans did. This episode is great because it shows the Daleks manipulating humans against each other and only arriving when they’ve pretty much won anyway…Polly and Ben each help the Doctor in their own ways and the Patrick Troughton is a great Loki like Doctor. He is the trickster who manages to manipulate his way in a position to help by playing the buffoon. This is one of the best “Doctor Who” episodes and one of the best Dalek Episodes as well. This episode really establishes why they are so dangerous. I highly recommend watching the footage and audio of the full episode to really get apprecation for this Doctor, the Daleks, Polly and Ben and this story.

9.5 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/the-2nd-doctor-the-power-of-the-daleks-season-4-episode-3-the-daleks-manipulation-12-days-of-doctors/

1st Place

Doctor and Amy

The 11th Doctor – “The Eleventh Hour”

This is the episode that is the best of the First Adventures. The reasons for this are it establishes the Doctor as a Time Lord and time traveler (visiting Amy as a child and an adult and not being aware of the time change) a great baddie who plays with your mind (Prisoner Zero in the corner of your eye…the boogey man of childhood) and continuity (when facing the Atraxi they can the Doctor and find all his past numbered incarnations in their data bank as defenders of the Earth). It is wonderful and Rory and Amy are great companions. The Doctor isn’t a super hero and actually needs their help since it is only together they win. For people new to “Doctor Who” this is generally the episode I recommend. It is also visually amazing. This Doctor, is pretty cool.

10 / 10

https://cameronmoviesandtv.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/12-days-of-doctors-the-11th-doctor-series-5-episode-1-the-eleventh-hour-the-time-traveler/

“Doctor Who” both Classic and New is an amazing series and many of these episodes capture the good that this show can bring…whether it is wrestling with morality, showing us the good in ourselves or just being fun it is a series that I believe will remain timeless. I look forward to reviewing more “Doctor Who” episodes later on, but until than it was fantastic and I can’t wait to see what the new Series 8 brings to this very rich universe.

Star Trek: Enterprise Pilot – Broken Bow Part 1 and 2 – Missing the Point of Star Trek

Broken Bow

We end the “Star Trek Pilot Series,” with the worst of them all, “Star Trek: Enterprise.” When I first heard about “Enterprise,” back in High School I was excited…early human exploration and making contact…the Romulan War, the fallout of the Eugenics War…these stories that the “Original Series,” had suggested left so much potential for this prequel series. This of course was assuming the writers knew what they were doing after the horrible “Voyager” finale and the later “Next Generation Films,” which if I had a lot less optimism would have brought me closer to how disappointed I would be.

Without further ado, I’ll get into the reasons why:

Pros: The premise – Again the premise is exciting, the first military/exploration vessel from Starfleet going out to make contact with new life and new civilizations. We even have a Klingon as the catalyst as he was attacked by a mysterious enemy known as the Suliban. Sadly this doesn’t go anywhere.

The Special Effects – Like the later TNG films “Enterprise,” had a very sleek look and the best Special Effects since “Deep Space 9,” and later “Voyager,” this is one of the few things I have to give it, because the rest is just bad.

Cons: The Human and Vulcan Relationship Dynamic – What the Hell was Brannon Braga thinking? He starts out with Archer calling the Ambassador pointy eared as an insult when he was a child…and we see later nothing has progressed since then. T’Pol the first officer and Vulcan liaison is condescending to every human she comes in contact with (“I was told English would only be spoken on the Bridge,” (to Hoshi the communications officer)) and countless other examples. The humans aren’t much better and Archer is the worst. “You felt emotion therefore you are a hypocrite and wrong,” basically…and Trip the Engineer is the same way (and same way on Ryjal judging every alien he comes in contact with). I expected tension but not hostility between allies, it missed the entire point of First Contact and Roddenberry’s bright future.

The Characters: The characters are either inept and useless or condescending jerks. There aren’t any characters who are in the middle. “Voyager,” was average and way too focused on proving Janeway right, but it at least had SOME interesting character dynamics and characters.

Captain Archer – Who thought it was a good idea to put this guy in charge? He doesn’t think things through, he condescends to those who don’t agree with him and is more prejudice against his Vulcan allies than Kirk ever was towards the Klingons. It’s a shame there is on one on the ship who could replace him…this is a ship of imbeciles. Also he keeps putting Trip in charge of things just because Trip is his friend. No way that isn’t corrupt.

T’Pol – From going on her high horse towards those who eat meat, to saying humans are irrational and unready to travel…Braga missed the point of the Vulcans. It isn’t logical to alienate your allies and that is exactly what she does…and she is supposed to be a diplomatic liaison. I don’t think that’s why she was created though. She was made to sexualize Vulcans (see the picture above). Blalock is a model and Braga and Co. fully embraced that rather than creating a well rounded character.

Trip Tucker – Once again, how did this guy become an engineer? He crashes the shuttle in dry-dock into Enterprise and has no idea what is going on in the entire episode. It’s like he hasn’t even been in space yet is expected to be an engineer of a space ship. He is purposefully ignorant and just doesn’t care (when he’s learning to fly a Suliban vessel just says it can’t be too hard (he crashed a Federation Shuttle) and acts like it is easy when Mayweather is trying to teach him to pilot).

Malcolm Reed – Is the least bad but still bad. He doesn’t do anything.

Mayweather – The pilot does nothing but talk about being in space. This would be his character for the entire series.

Hoshi Sato – The communications officer who is afraid of everything. This is a shame too since she gave up her University position to join the ship. The writers never use her though or deal with what she gave up. It is only a factor at the beginning and never again. She is there to be the damsel in distress.

Phlox – Up there with Reed as being the least bad at this point in the series, he just doesn’t do much. He is there to be an alien.

The Villains: The Temporal Cold War was a wasted idea…as were the Suliban (who are only in this series). These issues never get resolved and the big bad jokingly known as “Future Guy,” is just that in the end. He isn’t a character or even all that competent of a villain (even this inept crew could stop his plans throughout the series). A War through time and space yet we see none of that in this episode… not in relation to the Vulcans or Klingons (who you think the Time Agents would be using since their tech. is already the most advanced). It goes nowhere, same with contact with the Klingons…we don’t see any of their advanced Imperial Culture that we did from the Original Series…they’re just space barbarians. Suliban, Temporal Cold War, Klingons, Future Guy…wasted antagonists on a waste of a show.

The sexualization of T’Pol/When Star Trek went Soft Core Porn – See the picture up at the start. This decontamination chamber will be used in this way all through the show. Characters will strip and lather each other down. What is this, a Michael Bay show? We see T’Pol’s erect nipples and other characters junk in this chamber…it was here that I stopped watching originally. Star Trek has had problems like this before, but never this blatant…it was like this was what was being sold, not the exploration…certainly not the characters. Just special effects, sex and violence. Things that when taken all together…miss the point of Star Trek.

It is for these reasons I did not accept this show as Canon. It has moments where it feels like it could be tied to Star Trek Canon but so much of it misses the point. From sexy Vulcans to a useless crew…to a species/racist Captain and Engineer. I couldn’t get past the other stuff because the crew was so useless or unlikable. There are some okay episodes I’ll review in the future, but this where Star Trek died. “Star Trek: Enterprise” and “Star Trek: Nemesis” were the two things that killed Star Trek, and they deserve that responsibility. They had turned Star Trek into the worst kind of action movie where sex and violence were more important than substance. It is for this reason as much problems as the Abrams reboot has…it never gets this bad to this degree. So glad “Enterprise,” got cancelled, it’s just a shame it didn’t happen sooner. There was never enough good to keep it going since it started things out missing the entire point of what made Star Trek, Star Trek.

1 / 10. I’m only giving it a point for Special Effects…and it isn’t the worst episode. That will be reviewed later in this blog.